There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
