I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
