Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
