I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's always time for handjobs
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
