I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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