you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
