I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
