We named our party play list daddy issues
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
