I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
