I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
