Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He is an equal opportunity slut.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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