Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
