When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
