btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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