if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
