when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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