big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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