God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
