ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Alive.
So much puke
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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