erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize