I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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