I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
