So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ketchup is God's man juice
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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