Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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