There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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