Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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