Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
