Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
