my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
