Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
