I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
