Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He better not be in your backpack
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
