this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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