Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
