Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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