At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
