Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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