i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
