in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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