I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
