I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
