Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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