Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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