This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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