He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
