its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize