I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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