it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
