I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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