i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
