Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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