hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
