Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
