dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
