I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
