The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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