I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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