I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
