So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
