Sry I called you an 8
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
