she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
