Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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