i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
