I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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