Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
