the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
