I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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