highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
