You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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