Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
