Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
