I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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