So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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