Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
