That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
