Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
