That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
