Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
