I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dick has a subreddit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
