I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
