I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize