I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
