dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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