WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
