Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i love accidental penises.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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