I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
