Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
