I'm really into asian looking animals
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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