He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize